Something Worth Keeping
by Eve Karma
Summary: Lisa shows up in the White House, turning everyone's life upside down and tearing two people apart.
1. Hi, Daddy...

Title: Something Worth Keeping (1/6)

Author: Eve Karma

Rating: PG-13 for adult content and language

Disclaimer: Kate Montgomery is the only -Wing related thing I own. So there.

Spoilers: Anything up to and including S3 could come up, as well as anything from my fics

Other: Thanks to Amber (Papergirl) for letting me write this all-to-similar-to-Stay-Anyway-fic! You rock! And a big thank you to Norma, the Beta Queen. :)

To catch up on Kate Montgomery, check out my site. http://wwfanfiction.tripod.com

**********************************************************

_* _

_In every heart there is a room  
A sanctuary safe and strong  
To heal the wounds from lovers past  
Until a new one comes along  
* _

I know I have to get up. The alarm clock just went off, and even though he woke up just long enough to hit the snooze button, I know I can't stay for long. It's Tuesday, and he has the meeting for the thing. "But he's so warm," I think. "And his hair smells good--that soapy-good-clean smell. And I'm so comfortable here."

But I know I have to get up.

I pry my head off his chest and untangle myself from the covers. I find my clothes, which are scattered all over the floor, and put them on as I locate each piece. I retreat into the bathroom for a moment, and when I return, Sam finally has his eyes open. He smiles when he sees me. 

"Leaving?"

"Yeah," I answer as I button my shirt. "Unless you want the tabloids all over us..."

"No, please, no," he puts his hands over his eyes and groans in mock horror. 

The alarm goes off for a second time, and Sam hits the snooze button once more. 

"You know, this would be a lot easier for the both of us if the White House didn't open for business at the crack of dawn," I remark as I slip into my shoes. He chuckles. I lean down and kiss him. "Thanks, Sam. I'm just going to run home to shower and change...then I'll meet you at work. Okay?"

"Yeah. Be careful, Kate."

"I will. You had better get moving. I don't feel like covering your ass this morning."

I wait to see him smile once more, and with that, I grab my purse and go.

***

"Hi...I'm here to see Toby Zeigler?" a young, dark-haired woman asks. 

"Do you have an appointment?" Bonnie says, looking up from a notepad.

"Uh, no. I just stopped by," she replies. 

"He's not in right now," Bonnie tells her, "But hold on a second." She walks over to an open doorway and calls, "Hey, you know when Toby'll be back?"

The young woman cranes her neck so she can see inside the office as another girl covers the mouthpiece of the phone with her hand and, looking at the clock, replies, "Probably a half hour...he's at the thing with Sam."

The woman behind her jumps at the name, but Bonnie doesn't notice. "I thought so," she agrees. "Who are you talking to?"

"His mother," comes the reply.

"Yikes," Bonnie wrinkles her nose, and then turns to the woman behind her. "It'll be a little while before he gets back. Do you want to leave a message for him?"

"Uh, no, that's alright. I'll just call him later."

"Okay," Bonnie tells her and, as the other woman looks as if she is going to leave, goes off to send a fax. 

The woman sees an opportunity and peeks into the office to see that the other young woman is still on the phone. 

She walks over to the door labeled with his name, tries the knob and finds it unlocked. She slips inside, deciding that she'll just wait until he returns. 

***

"No, that's all right, I'll make the call later," Toby tells Sam as they come into the communications bullpen. 

"Okay, just let me know," Sam replies and goes into his office.

Toby walks into his darkened office and flips the light switch. But just as he starts to remove his coat, his desk chair spins around from where it was facing the window. There sits a young woman with dark hair and a small, nervous smile on her face.

"Hi, Daddy."

He stands frozen in disbelief. "Hi."

***

"Hey, Josh," I say as he rushes by me in the hallway.

"Oh, my god, Kate, I've been looking all over for you," he gasps for breath, turning on his heels to stop and face me. "Where've you been?"

"With Charlie," I reply. "I was fixing his computer. See, he got some cookie crumbs stuck in the keyboard and so when he typed it wade this funny crunching sound, and-"

"Yeah, okay," He cuts me off. "I need to see you in my office. Now."

"What's going on?" I ask as I follow him into his office. I can't help but panic for a moment as I wonder if her knows about the, um, extent of Sam's relationship with me. "Something wrong?"

"Sort of," he sighs and slumps into his chair. "Sit."

"I'm fine."

"No. Sit."

"Okay."

"I know I told you about Lisa Fredrick. And that her last name was, you know..."

"Fredrick."

"Yeah."

"I have a feeling you must've left out a few key facts, Joshua," I say, looking at him over my glasses. 

"Uh, yeah."

"What, Josh?"

"That's not her real name."

"Fredrick?"

"Yeah. Took it after her parents divorced. Wanted to be neutral or something..." He swallows hard. "You want to know her father's last name?"

I nod slowly.

He takes a deep breath before he tells me, "Zeigler."


	2. Demons

Something Worth Keeping (2/6)

See Part One for Disclaimers and Such 

***************************************************

_* _

_I spoke to you in cautious tones  
You answered me with no pretense  
And still I feel I said too much  
My silence is my self defense  
*_

"So, uh...how are you?"

"Good, Daddy. And you?"

"Fine, fine," he takes off his coat and hangs it up. Then he lowers himself onto the couch and leans his elbows on his knees.

"What are you doing here, Lisa?" He asks as he rubs his eyes.

"I'm moving back to Washington."

"To do what?"

"I'm going to be reporting from the Pentagon for NBC."

"Congratulations," he says as if he's not sure he's really happy for her.

"Thanks." The smile has faded from her face and she looks at her father worriedly. "Ethan is coming with me. Obviously."

"How is he?"

"Great," she flashes a smile.

"You have a place yet?"

"Yeah." 

She pauses and looks around the room. "I think it's time for Ethan to know...you know, about..."

"You think he's ready, Lis?"

"Yeah. You never told him anything...did you?"

"No, just as you asked. But...are _you_ ready to face him again?"

She looks at her father and tells him, hesitantly, "I...I hope so."

***

"_What_?" I practically yell at Josh. "You mean _Toby_ is _Lisa's father_?" 

"Yeah."

"Holy shit!"

"I know."

I run a hand through my hair, trying to get everything straight, when a thought hits me. "Josh. Why are you telling me this now?"

He bites his lip, then squints his eyes shut as he tells me, "She's here."

"Where?"

He pops one eye open. "Here."

"In the _White House_?"

Now he's looking at me with both eyes open. "Yeah. I saw her looking for Toby. She's probably still here."

"I have to see her, Josh."

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go."

***

"Let's go."

"Wait, Dad...do you think it's going to be okay?"

Toby thinks for a minute, and places a hand on the doorknob as he looks at his daughter. "He'll be fine."

Lisa nervously stands outside Sam's office door while Toby goes in and talks to Sam.

"Hey."

"Did you talk to him already?" Sam asks, picking his head up from a newspaper article.

"Huh?"

"Klien. About the thing?"

"Oh, that, no...not yet."

"Oh. Okay."

"Sam," Toby says slowly to make sure he has Sam's attention, "There's someone here...she wants to see you."

"Who?"

Toby looks at him and presses his lips together. Then he turns to speak to someone outside. "You can come in."

Lisa hesitantly steps into the office. She gives him a small smile and holds her arms out to the sides before greeting him, "I'm back."

But the second she sees him, the memory of the day she left him comes rushing back to her. And no matter how confident she tries to seem, she can't hide from the truth.

~~~~~

It was the morning of Bartlet's final debate, in St. Louis, before the election. Lisa wakes up late in their hotel room to find Sam long gone, a note left on his pillow. _"Lis, went to help your dad prep for tonight. See you later. Love, Sam."_ She tosses the note on the bedside table and climbs out of bed, shuffling into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. She comes out a minute later, muttering, "Damn, still late. Damn."

She sits on the bed for a moment, then gets up and looks out the window at the Gateway Arch looming in the distance. She turns around and stares at her purse, shoving one hand into her robe pocket and running the other through her hair. "I've got to do it," she thinks. "I've got to find out."

She walks over to her purse and reaches into the very bottom, rummaging around for what she had hidden there. She pulled it out and eyed it cautiously. "Well...here goes."

A half hour later, she's sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at the results and not believing it. Not _wanting_ to believe it is more like it. She dawdles for a few hours, taking a shower, ordering room service that she barely touches, and watching a movie on HBO. 

But she knows she has to tell Sam.

~~~~~ 

***

As I follow Josh out of his office, Donna stops us. "Where are you going?" she asks.

"To see Sam's ex-fiancée," I reply shortly.

"Oooh, wait for me," she exclaims, and follows us. 

We walk over and stand outside of the Communications Bullpen. Peering through the window, we can see Sam, Toby, and a woman all standing in Sam's office.

"Is that her?" I ask.

Josh nods.

I clench my teeth. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," I start to turn away, but Donna grabs my arm and steers me back to the window. 

"Kate, come back here. I know this has got to be hard for you, since Lisa looks so much like you, but you have to get through this. You like Sam. Make yourself like Sam's ex-fiancee," she beams.

"I was _going_ to say that Oprah over here is right," Josh remarks, "But she's starting to sound like Jerry Springer. Anyway, Kate, just look at her, get it over with, bang, you're done."

"Yeah...okay," I admit and take a deep breath. 

Lisa turns to look at Toby, and I can see her in profile. "Oh, my god," I whisper, and instinctively raise a hand to the window. "We _are_ twins." 

"Yeah," Donna agrees softly.

Just then, C.J. walks up behind us. "What are you looking at?"

"Lisa," we chorus, not taking our eyes off her. 

"She's here?" C.J. asks, her eyes widening. 

We all nod. 

"Damn. The demons are back." 

She stands there, mesmerized like the rest of us, until Sam happens to look up in our direction.

"Get down!" Josh hisses, and we all hit the floor.

"Man, he had to have seen us," I groan.

"Ya think?" That was Josh, of course. 

"I hope he doesn't come out here," Donna says. "I don't want to have to explain why we're gaping at-" she stops when a pair of shoes stops in front of her face. She looks up to see who they belong to. "Oh...hi, Leo."

"Do I even want to know what the four of you are doing down there?"

"Uh...well, we got really tired, you see," C.J. starts. 

Then Josh cuts in, "And we didn't want to walk while we were tired, and, uh, risk hurting ourselves or others-"

"And so we just stopped down here to take a little nap. Y'know, sleep it off..." I finish, and we all look up at him with cheesy grins. 

"Right," Leo nods at us like we're three-year-olds. Then he walks away, muttering something under his breath.

"Hey, I think we had better split up before we get in real trouble," Donna says. 

"Yeah," I agree, and stand up, brushing off my pant legs. My friends, all chuckling, get to their feet, and Donna and C.J. go off in opposite directions. 

Josh stands there with his hands in his pockets, shifting his weight from one leg to the other like he always does. "You going to be alright?"

"Yeah," I sigh, but I know I don't look so sure.

"C'mere," he says, and takes me into his arms. "It's going to be okay, Kate. I promise. It's not like they're going to get engaged again or something. He's not that hung up on her."

"Thanks Josh," I tell him, but I want to add, "But you weren't there at the monument. You weren't the one in bed with him this morning, Josh. You don't know. You can't promise."

He smiles at me reassuringly, and all I'm capable of doing is giving a half-hearted wave as he exits down the hall.

So I go inside the bullpen and try to look busy. 


	3. The Day She Left

Something Worth Keeping (3/6)

See Part One for Disclaimers and Such

*******************************************************

*

_And every time I've held a rose  
It seems I only felt the thorns  
And so it goes, and so it goes  
And so will you soon I suppose  
* _

"So, uh, I guess I'll leave you two alone," Toby says. "Lis, have you talked to your mother yet?"

"Yeah. I called her this morning."

"Okay. I'll be in my office later," he mentions before he leaves. 

Sam and Lisa stand there staring at each other awkwardly until Sam spies Kate puttering around her desk.

"Hey, Kate!" he calls to her.

"Yes?" She replies and jumps a little.

"C'mere a sec."

She walks in slowly, holding a blue file in front of her chest like a shield. 

"Lisa, I want you to meet my assistant, Kate Montgomery."

Sam watches as the two women meet face-to-face, gasp as they realize their physical similarities, and exchange polite hellos.

"I've heard...so much...about you," Kate offers in a daze, one eye on Lisa and the other on Sam.

"I wish I could say the same about you," Lisa replies, an icy edge to her voice.

"Oh, hey, um," Sam stutters, trying to break the tension. "Kate hasn't been here that long...I'm kind of like a big brother to her," he prides himself. 

"Actually," Kate corrects, "Josh is more like a big brother to me," Then she turns to Lisa and spouts smugly, "Sam's more like the pain in the ass I'm sleeping with, but, you know, whatever."

Her audience stares at her, and she immediately regrets ever opening her mouth at all. She holds up a hand and raises her eyebrows, squeaking, "Kidding! Just...kidding..." She gives Sam a look that Lisa can't decipher, then chuckles nervously. "Uh...I'm going to leave now."

Lisa bites her lip and sighs as she watches Sam's red-faced assistant sheepishly retreat back to her desk, closing the door behind her.

"Are you really sleeping with her?" she boldly asks him.

"Uh...yeah. But we really shouldn't be talking about that."

She takes the obvious hint and changes the subject. "So...it's been a while, Sam."

"Good observation, Lisa. Oh, and thanks for the warning four years ago."

"Sam, I can explain what happened and why I left," she starts, but he cuts her off.

"Do you really think I want to hear it? I don't. No, I don't want to know. I was finally starting to come to grips with what happened, and then you show up out of nowhere and want to make small talk. Lisa, I don't know how someone who was, supposedly, in love with me, could just get up and leave without letting me know-without _talking to me_ first!"

His statement sends her reeling backwards. She tried to tell him. She really tried.

~~~~~

Lisa takes a cab over to the debate site and starts to search for Sam. After about ten minutes she finally spies her fiancée and the rest of the Governor's crew, including her father, in the center of the auditorium where the debate would take place. "Sam!" she calls out, but he doesn't hear her. She advances and keeps calling his name. Suddenly, C.J., Josh, her father, and Sam rush towards the exit on the other side of the auditorium. She runs to catch up. "Sam! Sam, wait!" She doesn't know what's happening. "Sam!"

He finally spins around and looks at her, agitated. "What is it?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Later."

"But, Sam-"

"Not now," is all he says before running down the hall after C.J. She doesn't know that something has happened to the Governor.

She stands there looking after him with her arms hanging at her sides and her mouth open slightly. She can't believe he's blown her off like that. She shakes her head in astonishment and runs her hand through her hair to keep from crying. She starts to advance after him, but changes her mind, and, without looking back, goes back to her hotel room.

~~~~~ 

"But, Sam, it wasn't you," she defends him. "It was me."

"Gee, I've never heard that excuse before," he spits, rolling his eyes.

"I wasn't ready."

"Wasn't ready for what?"

"I wasn't ready...for you to be living your life...here; leaving home before dawn and coming home late at night, that's not the kind of life I wanted to live."

"And when did you come to this realization?"

"About ten minutes before I left."

~~~~~

As soon as she gets back to their hotel room, she starts throwing her things haphazardly into her suitcase while hot, angry tears run down her cheeks. "It'll never work," she fumes silently. She would never be able to have a family when her husband was, if all went well, working for the President of the United States of America. 

It was all happening at the wrong time.

She was tired of being last in line. Behind his work, his friends, his life, she was always last in line. She was tired of being at the bottom of her father's list. It made her hate him at times.

She shakes her head to clear her mind. 

This isn't about her father, it's about Sam. 

She was always the last person in Sam's line. Behind Governor Bartlet, behind her father, behind Josh-there was Lisa. And she was sick of it. She didn't want to be last in line anymore.

~~~~~

"Great. Just great. Is that what you were really afraid of, Lisa?" he asks softly, raising his eyes to hers.

"I didn't want to be last in line all the time, Sam!" she blurts, instantly hating her choice of words. "Damn," she muttered under her breath.

~~~~~

She snaps her suitcase shut and writes him a note, leaving it on the bedside table on top of the one he left her earlier. It tells him that she's leaving him, but neglects to tell him of her condition. On her way out the door, she suddenly remembers something. She drops her bags in the doorway and stomps back to where she had put the note. She stares at her hand bitterly for a moment, then rips off her engagement ring off her finger and throws it down on the table. She goes back, picks up her bags, and leaves.

That was the last Sam ever saw of Lisa Fredrick. Until today.

~~~~~

Sam doesn't say anything, and instead sits back in his chair, propping a knee up on his desk. "Well...I'm sorry."

"For what? Don't be. It's my own fault," she replies shortly.

He nods, slowly, blankly, and stares at his telephone. 

"There's one other reason I left," Lisa says haltingly, interrupting his thoughts.

"What's that?"

"That day I left..." she takes a big breath and lets it out, "I had just found out I was pregnant.

***

I cannot stand this. I'm at my desk, not more than seven feet from Sam's office, and I can't hear them talking. It's driving me mad. I can see them sitting there, but if I keep watching them, Sam will get angry. And he's already less than pleased with me. 

So I sit here, legs crossed and one arm propping up my head, elbow staked into my desk. I absentmindedly sharpen pencils until I have a militia of little daggers. If need be, I can use them to kill Sam. Or Lisa. Well, I have enough...

I stop sharpening and drop my head to my desk with a bang. It's agonizing!

Just as I stand up to try to cool down by getting some coffee, the door opens and Lisa leaves the office, followed by a shockingly pale Sam. 

"So, I'll, uh, see you on Thursday?" Lisa asks him. 

"Yeah...Thursday," he replies and I hope he doesn't throw up. 

Then, with a small smirk at me, Lisa Fredrick is gone once again. 


	4. Not Tonight

Something Worth Keeping (4/6)

See Part One for Disclaimers and Such

*******************************************************

*

_But if my silence made you leave  
Then that would be my worst mistake  
So I will share this room with you  
And you can have this heart to break  
* _

"You alright?"

"Huh?"

"You alright?"

"Um...yeah...I think so."

"You're not going to throw up on me or pass out or something like that, are you?"

"I hope not."

"Sam, I think you should sit down," I advise, and without waiting for a reply, lead him to his desk chair. He flops into it and stares into space, face still ashen.

"Are you mad at me?"

"For what?"

Oooh, what a good answer. I'm just going to let my little comment from before fall by the wayside. 

"So, um," I say as I sit down opposite Sam, "What's the deal with Lisa?"

"She's moving to Washington for work."

Greaaaat. The red light in my brain is flashing already. If Sam's going to start forgetting about Lisa and move on to me, this isn't going to help. Sure, I sound selfish, but if your boyfriend's ex-fiancée came back into his life, how would you feel?

"Oh," I say calmly.

"Yeah, and there's another thing," he gulps. 

"What?"

"She had a baby."

"You're kidding me. Right?"

"No-that's why she left me. She found out she was pregnant, packed her bags, and disappeared."

The news isn't sitting well with me at all.

"She had a baby?"

"Yes."

"_Your_ baby?"

"Yes," he replies, exasperated. His face is just starting to regain its color, but he's turning red pretty quickly. 

It finally sinks in and I soften a bit. 

"How old is the baby?" I ask.

"He's three."

"What's his name?"

"Ethan."

"Ethan what?"

"Ethan Samuel."

My heart sinks. I should have guessed. "He must be adorable."

"She's bringing him in on Thursday afternoon."

"I'll block it off on your schedule," I nod. It's funny...Toby never mentioned anything-that I heard, at least-about having a daughter. Or being a grandfather."

"You knew that Toby and Lisa were related?"

"Yeah. Josh just filled me in."

"Remind me to thank him later. That is weird though...Toby never told me about Ethan..." his face clouds over for a second, then he's back to business. "Don't be spreading any of this around, okay?"

"Sure. I'll keep it on the D.L."

"The _what_?"

"The D.L. The down-low."

"Oh."

We sit there in silence. Then, I ask him softly:

"Truth be told, Sam-did you miss her all these years?"

"The truth?"

"Yes," I command, gazing into his eyes.

"Yeah," he admits, so faintly that I almost can't hear what he's saying. "I missed her."

Just then, Toby raps on the door and pokes his head in. "Sam, I have Klien on the phone about the thing if you want to pick up and join us."

"Okay," Sam agrees, and Toby goes back to his office.

Sam starts to pick up the phone, and as I get up to leave, he asks me, "Kate, are you coming over tonight?"

"No, Sam," I reply quietly. "Not tonight."


	5. Black

Something Worth Keeping (5/6)

See Part One for Disclaimers and Such 

******************************************************** 

*

_And this is why my eyes are closed  
It's just as well for all I've seen  
And so it goes, and so it goes  
And you're the only one who knows _

*

Thursday comes quicker than Kate would like it to. She taps a pencil against her desk and watches Sam through his open door. 

He's cute. He looks _really_ good. 

He looks sexy when he's nervous. 

She wishes she could help him. She wishes she could rewind the past week and start all over. No Lisa. No Ethan. Just her. Her and Sam.

But she can't rewind. What's happened has happened, and it's too late to change anything.

Someone clears their throat behind her and she spins around in her chair. There stands Lisa carrying her son on one hip. Sam's son. Their son.

"Hi," she greets Sam's assistant.

"Hey," Kate replies coldly. "You can go ahead in."

"Thanks." She walks over to his office and waves when he looks up. He looks surprised for a moment, but then beams when he sees Ethan. There may be a rift separating Lisa and Sam, but there's nothing keeping Ethan from his father now.

"Ethan, this is your daddy," Lisa introduces them. Then she looks at Sam. Maybe...maybe we can work something out and have joint custody."

Yeah, sure. Kate smirks to herself. Sam has a whole lot of free time on his hands.

Sam looks out into the bullpen and waves to Kate, motioning for her to come in and see the child. 

She shakes her head and rushes out of the office. She can't. She just can't.

***

"Josh," I whine as I run into his office.

"What?"

"She's here again."

"Uh...okay."

"She brought the kid with her."

"Kid?"

"Yeah, she was pregnant, and that's why she left Sam, and now she's back, and she brought the kid to see him, and she wants him to share custody, and-"

"Whoa. Slow down. Sit."

I do, and look at Josh with tear-filled eyes. "This sucks!"

"Yeah?"

"What do I do? I mean, I was getting so close to Sam, and then _she_ comes back, and now he's all worried about her, and about Ethan, and-"

"Ethan?"

"The kid."

"I see."

"God, what is wrong with me? I shouldn't have a problem with this, but I do..." I bring my head down on his desk and close my eyes.

"You're jealous."

"Yeah," I admit. "Positively green."

"Why, though?"

"Because I was getting so close to Sam! See, Josh...ever since and while ago, when I talked to Sam about me looking like Lisa and stuff, we've both come to grips with it and he _was _trying to get over her, but this throws a big wrench in it."

I ramble when I'm upset.

"What do you mean," he squints at me, " by 'getting close to Sam?'"

"We're, uh...you know...oh, I shouldn't have brought this up-"

"I know you're going out sometimes, but it's not like you're..."

"Uh, yeah, we are. Well, were."

"Ohhh," he leans back in his chair. "That complicates things."

"Yeah!" I cry and cover my head with my arms in a feeble attempt to hide from him. But he doesn't get upset like I expect him to.

"Well...what can I say? Congratulations."

"Thanks. I think," I say, lifting my head and cocking it to the side.

"Ya gotta cool down though, Kate. It'll pass. This is like...closure for Sam."

"Sure, if you say so. But what do you do until the wonder that is closure comes around?" I run my hand through my hair, trying to find the right words. "I mean, like...you were jealous when Donna was with that smarmy short Republican guy. How did you get past that?"

"I was jealous? I wasn't jealous," his eyes widen and his voice gets a little higher than it should.

"Well, yeah, it was a little obvious, Josh."

"I wasn't jealous!"

"Yes you were," I laugh. "Oh, just forget about it. I'm already feeling a little better. Thanks, Josh." I get up and walk out.

"Whatever. I was not jealous!" he calls after me, but I pretend I don't hear him.

***

"Is she gone?" I ask when I walk into Sam's office about an hour later. The setting sun is blocked by clouds floating over the city, but a few rays of light stream through the window, giving everything in their path a harsh glow. 

"Yeah. We're going to set up something so that I can see him sometimes."

That means _he'll_ see her sometimes, too. Yay.

"That's good."

"Oh, she said to tell you that she likes your hair like that."

"Of course she'd like it. She has the same hair," I remark in reference to our matching looks. 

"You don't have to be so hard on her, Kate," he reprimands.

"Hard on her? Sam, if I were you, I'd be a _lot_ harder on her! I mean, she leaves, shows up a couple of years later, and, oh, by the way, she had a baby! How can you even talk to her after all she's put you through?"

"I have to at least give her a chance to tell me what happened! And I can't reject my son. I have to give them a chance to come back into my life."

"Come back? You want her back? Sam! What are you thinking?"

We're totally yelling, and I don't think he cares who hears us. I surely don't.

"I'm thinking that I can't just turn my back on her. We were in love, you know."

"And you're not in love with anyone now, so that means you can fall back in love with her. Right?" I ask icily. 

"I'm _not_ in love."

"With her?"

"With anyone!"

That's exactly the answer I _didn't_ want to hear.

"What about us, Sam? What about _us_?" I scream, and then run back to my desk. "I thought we were something worth keeping!" I grab my coat and my bag, and then I'm running out of the bullpen. Sam tries to follow, but I turn around and point a finger at him. "Don't you try to follow me! I'm leaving, Sam. Lisa can _have_ you!"

And I do it. I leave.

***

He stumbles back into his office and collapses into his chair. He plunks his elbows on the desktop and covers his face with his hands. He chokes out a sob but holds the rest in. He can't break down now. 

"I heard yelling...what's going on?"

Sam looks up to see his best friend leaning against the doorway. Josh, waiting for an answer, raises his eyebrows.

"I've lost her, Josh," Sam mutters. "I've lost her."

***

I speed home in my Civic through sobs. I take a long shower and try to forget what I've done, but I can't. I just quit my job. I just ran out on Sam. I'm as bad as Lisa. What am I going to do now? 

As I come out of the bathroom, the answering machine picks up. I couldn't hear the phone ringing from the bathroom. "Hey, it's me. "Kate...it's Josh. Pick up, okay? Pick up. I just want to talk to you, all right? Sam's in a panic. What happened? Kate, pick up, please..." But I don't, and he finally gives up.

I can't eat, and I know I won't be able to sleep. So I drive back into Washington and start walking around aimlessly. As I pass the White House, a light snow starts to fall. "They didn't say anything on the news about snow..." I say to myself as I peer through the fence. I keep walking and end up at the Barnes and Noble on 12th Street. I wander around inside until I warm up and then get a cup of coffee at their cafe. "God, I'm such an idiot," I curse myself the whole time. "How could I be so cruel to Sam?"

As I leave, a man holds the door for me as I exit. He follows me through the door. 

As we exit neither of us notice the car that has pulled up in front of the store. I hear a shot ring out, and then I'm on the ground. The man that held the door for me has pushed me down and as the car speeds away, he gets up, crying in a Southern drawl, "Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I'm so sorry...that shot was meant for me. It was meant for me, sweetie, not you." I don't really know what's happening. I can see blood on his shirt, and I wonder how he can be standing up and talking to me if he just got shot. It's the funniest thing. 

Then I figure it out.

The blood isn't his. 

It's mine. 

Then everything goes black.

***

Sam sits at his desk in a near-empty West Wing, staring at a file and trying to make sense of it, but he has other things on his mind. He doesn't notice Toby as he walks in and sits down. 

"Sam."

"Huh?" he picks his head up and gazes at Toby.

"Sam, I need to tell you something."

Sam tries to look awake by rearranging papers on his desk. "Yeah, shoot."

Toby winces at Sam's choice of words. Sam notices and frowns. "What is it?"

"There was a drive-by shooting on 12th about an hour ago," he tells him slowly.

"And...?"

"The victim was Kate Montgomery."


	6. And So It Goes

Something Worth Keeping (6/6)

See Part One for Disclaimers and Such

*************************************************

_*_

_So I would choose to be with you  
That's if the choice were mine to make  
But you can make decisions too  
And you can have this heart to break  
* _

Toby drives Sam over to the George Washington ER, where most of the senior staff has already gathered. He greets them silently as he shakes snow out of his hair. 

"I told them all to go home...no use in all of us waiting around," Leo informs him with a sad smile. "But no one listened." 

"How is she?" Sam asks, almost afraid of the answer. 

"They just took her up to surgery to remove the bullet," the First Lady announces. 

Sam sits down heavily next to a nervous Josh who has his arm around Donna's shoulders. Donna senses Josh's near-panic and Sam's shock, and asks the crucial question. "She _is_ going to be okay...right?" 

Dr. Bartlet stares up at the ceiling as if looking for a sign, and mutters, "Dear God, I hope so." 

*** 

A few hours later, Sam glances at the clock on the wall for the hundredth time. 2:30 AM. 

"Why don't we know anything yet?" he wonders as he watches his friends and co-workers draped over their chairs in hesitant slumber. His eyes are heavy, but he's afraid to sleep. 

At that moment, Dr. Bartlet appears in the waiting room, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. 

"Hey," and "What's going on?" they chorus groggily. 

"Good news," the First Lady tells them. "Kate's out of recovery and she's going to be okay. The doctors who worked on her said she's doing surprisingly well, considering the circumstances." 

Phrases such as "Thank God," and "Oh, that's great," are heard from around the room. 

"There is some bad news, however," Dr. Bartlet cuts short the celebration. "There was some damage to Kate's spinal cord. It wasn't completely severed, so it will probably heal. But she can't walk." 

She gives them a moment to let the news sink in. "She doesn't know yet...about her spinal cord. They're planning on telling her later on today, when she's more stable." 

"Can we see her?" Toby asks. 

"Yes but not for too long. She needs her rest." 

Everyone starts to get up, but Josh holds up a hand and says, "Wait, everybody. Let Sam see her first." 

Sam hesitates for a moment, but stands up and follows the First lady down the hallway, leaving behind the sounds of Donna protesting quietly and Josh gently silencing her. 

The President's wife glances back, commenting, "She looks pretty good, Sam, considering what she's been through." 

"Yeah?" He answers numbly. He doesn't care how she looks. He just doesn't want to lose her again. 

*** 

When they reach the door to Kate's room, the First Lady leaves him with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Make sure you don't stay too long, okay? She's pretty talkative, but I don't want her to wear herself out." 

"Sure thing. Thanks, Dr. Bartlet." 

He steps into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. Kate opens his eyes and smiles faintly. "You're the last person I expected to see walking in here," she whispers. 

"Hey yourself," he smiles back at her. "How do you feel?" 

"Shitty. But what should I expect?" she groans. "I'm starting to think Josh and I should start a club for people with gunshot wounds. And, boy, I'm going to have a hell of a scar on my stomach." 

He sits down in a chair and leans on the edge of her bed. "They talked to the guy that tried to protect you. Hopefully, the cops will have the shooter by the end of the day. They're pretty confident." 

She winces and looks at him. "I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have said what I did. I don't hate Lisa. I didn't mean it..." her voice trails off as a sob catches in her throat. 

"Shh," he quiets her. "You don't have to apologize. I don't care about that. I just want you to be okay." He smiles and takes her hand in his. "You're coming back," it's not a request but rather a command. 

"You bet," she beams, but the tone of her voice changes. "Sam...I don't really know what happened, but..." she takes a breath and looks away," I can't feel anything below my knees..." Sam's head drops, confirming Kate's fears. "I'm paralyzed, Sam. I must be." 

He nods. "They say you'll get better. That it'll heal." 

"Well," she sighs, "I hope so..." she's trying to be optimistic, but he can see the cloud that passes over her usually bright eyes. 

"Yeah. Me too," Sam agrees. "But Kate...as long as I don't lose you, it doesn't matter." 

"We won't lose each other," she whispers. "We're something worth keeping." 

"Yeah. Something worth keeping." 

Her eyelids start to drift closed, and Sam gets up to leave, but Kate stops him. "Don't go, Sam. Just stay until I fall asleep. Please?" 

"Yeah. Okay," he says, and sits back down. She reaches her hand out for his, and he takes it. 

"You know what's kind of funny?" she murmurs with her eyes closed. "I mean, not funny ha-ha funny, but funny in a weird way?" 

"What?" he sighs softly. 

"When Ben was shot...it happened on 12th Street." 

"Oh..." 

"And...yesterday...was the anniversary of his death..." 

He doesn't know what to say to her that could possibly ease her pain. So he doesn't say anything. He just sits with her, stroking her hair, and watches the tears flow silently he can hear her breathing softly and steadily. He stands up, kisses her gently on the cheek as not to wake her, and walks to the door. 

Before he goes, though, he turns around, watching Kate lying peacefully in her bed. He brings a hand up to his face-perhaps there was something in his eye; maybe he was wiping away a tear. It's hard to tell. Then he leaves. 

But only for a little while. 

  
* 

_And so it goes, and so it goes  
And you're the only one who knows _

-Billy Joel

*


End file.
